you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
