Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
