First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
