I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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