I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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