well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Never underestimate the power of titties
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
