I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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