he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
