where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
