Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
