I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
