oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
