Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
