He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Houston, we have a blender
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
