There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
