It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
