Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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