My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
