god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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