does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
