i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
