You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
