1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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