Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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