i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
