I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
