Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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