remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
