Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
false alarm, still single
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