Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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