insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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