Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
