I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You've changed since you got that strap on
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
