I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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