In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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