Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
