Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She needs sedatives and a leash
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
