I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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