oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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