I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I FOUND THE LEGS
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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