How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
