How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
