we have officially lost it.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
