I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
