i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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