i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
