i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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