the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
