I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Randomize
