and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
