She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
